From under my sheets, I could hear the laughter down the hall. Plunky guitars and fart noises. I wondered if those sounds would define my day. On the outside of my little refuge someone is always laughing or fighting.Who buys a whoopee cushion these days anyway? (Fun Aunts and Uncles, that's who!) For 2 days the fart sounds and trickery had gone on and on, until the inevitable happened. An over-zealous prankster filled it too full. It happens that way. Especially when things have to get bigger and louder to be more entertaining. When you're looking for that next high...sometimes you forget to stop and evaluate.
The last fart that whoopee cushion made was a good one. We all looked at it. Busted out in the center. "Can you fix it...you know...like with duct tape or something?" they said. "No, probably not.
But it was good while it lasted, wasn't it?" Everyone sighed and got back to the business of life. I couldn't help thinking how I felt the same way they did..but not about the whoopee cushion. My mind traveled back to Christmas and the scattered season of celebration this year. I had buckled under the intensity of it...when you have a month of family visits...it's like..party party party while they're here ...and then...BOOM....ssssttt....nothing. Game Over. It was good while it lasted, but the now lonely grey days of January are chasing me down. I know the only thing that lasts forever is God's love and mercy towards me. I try to hang on to the things that will never spoil, rust or fade...held up in heaven for me.
But I struggle. Busted play things. Husbands worn down by the world. Daughters on the wrong side of the country. Reductions in services for my special son. Another person added to my prayer list with Cancer. Long frustrating days wondering...how did I get here? I want my party back! Can't we fix this with some duct tape or something? As the sun breaks through the clouds I remember it's there. Above. Just obscured by the January clouds. Just because I can't see Him doesn't mean He's not there. My view is small and limited. My heart can't always see His goodness. But I know it's true. I know He's there.
He Promised and I believe Him. I just need His help. " Lord, help my unbelief!" Mk 9:24
