I went to a birthday party a few weeks ago for someone really wonderful. I love celebrating life with people who really get how precious it is. I saw I friend that I haven't seen in a while. We had done the "one to one" discipleship program for a few months together, so I thought it was fair to ask..."What's Jesus been teaching you lately?" It was met with down cast eyes and a tone of embarrassement. "Nothing. I haven't really been going to church or anything. What should I do, leave my husband on the golf course? It's our only time together alone." I proceeded to talk about relationship and misssing out on the One true satisfying relationship anyone will ever have. (Besides offering up the evening service idea). She grabbed my face and said..." You used to be so different! What happened to you?" A few believing gals were listening and started to laugh. " Jesus happened to me". She hugged me and that was the end of it. The party went on and she was gone. Later on I laughed with my husband. Isn't it good that someone from my wild past noticed what I've always prayed for? Transformation. Less of me. More of Him. Passion for His name. All that matters.
A few weeks later I was on Facebook (surprise) and noticed a picture of some friends who had gone away on a weekend. I wasn't in the photo. I showed it to my hubbie. He knew immediately my hurt and started to encourage me. I felt excluded. Kind of mad. But then within a few minutes, the Spirit convicted me of my sinful response. I knew why I wasn't there. I had been neglecting those friends over the last few years as I sought to find people who understood what I was going through . Adoption, , homeschool, and women's ministry had become my full time interest. I had been pursuing friends who had the same agenda as me. And not caring for those old girlfriends. I had become a difficult strange friend. I went to bed feeling sad about my response. I know I should have been excited for them and the time they had together. I felt like a loser.
I usually wake up around 4 and try to decide if I really need to go to the bathroom. This particular morning I woke up with a verse clearly in my head. (Don't worry...no audible voice, just God reminding me.) " You died Lori, and your life is now hidden in Christ with God". Set your mind on things above where Christ is. I felt peace. I turned over and went back to sleep.
I got up at the usual time ( I will not confess how late that is these days). I told my husband why I was writing out that verse in my note cards. You just have to share when God is gracious to give you a good word! I love my old friends. I think they are some of the most generous, courageous and beautiful women I know. Each one has overcome insurmountable challenges while relying on God's grace. And I hope they know that if any of them ever needed money or a kidney I would be all over it. But I know God keeps calling me out. Not to safety and comfort but to spending myself on Him with people who may never respond the way I hope. Sometimes to be rejected for the message. Sometimes to be excluded. Sometimes to cry myself to sleep.
I am confident of this...He who began a good work in me will bring it to completion until the day of Christ. (Ph. 1:6) And I know that I don't have to pout about not being included because my inclusion is now "in Christ" when I heard the word of Truth, the Gospel of my Salvation (Eph.1:3). I am so grateful for this lesson. I ask forgiveness from my friends if I have excluded them. And I want to remind them of what Christ has reminded me. He is faithful and you are never alone!
